Nobody likes your advice.
Coaching and mentoring.
We all feel good when we give someone advice. It makes us feel important.
However, most people don’t want our advice.
Why?
We don’t want to change. We all have comfort zones, and that’s why we make our current decisions about what we are going to do. We don’t want to do things outside of our comfort zone.
So let’s say you hate using the telephone. You are phone-a-phobic. Your palms sweat when you grab your phone. Your heart races to 200 beats per minute.
Now, your mentor says to you:
“To reach your goals, you have to make 100 phone calls to cold leads every day.”
What are you going to do?
You are going to make excuses why you can’t telephone these strangers. You will report back to your mentor:
1. I don’t have time. I get home from work too late.
2. I don’t know what to say. I have to take a training course and memorize scripts first.
3. Let me rearrange the products I bought on my shelf this week.
4. I didn’t get to the phone calls yet. I have been busy chanting affirmations.
As mentors and coaches we can give great advice. We can see clearly what our student has to do.
But that’s not the challenge.
Our challenge is to help our student find a way to reach his goals with an activity within his comfort zone.
If the activity is not within our student’s comfort zone, the activity will not be done consistently.
No one wants to feel bad and embarrassed for a career.
So here is an example of what we could do:
Student: I want to qualify for the upcoming conference. I will have to sponsor 6 new people in the next three months.
Mentor: Well, you have already nuked your warm market. They won’t even give you a referral. What can we do to meet new prospects?
Student: I’m not calling cold, overworked leads. I hate the abuse. And calling strangers doesn’t work for me either. I don’t have the phone skills to connect with cold telephone calls.
Mentor: What other ways can we meet people?
Student: I could send out postcards and letters to get some leads, but I don’t have the money now. Same with advertising. No money to buy ads.
Mentor: What do you like to do?
Student: I like to talk to people in person who I have some sort of relationship with. I am a bit shy, but if I know them, it is easier.
Mentor: What can we do to find new people to make relationships with?
Student: I guess I could go to some adult education classes. There is a college that has night classes for only a few dollars.
Mentor: What else?
Student: I could join a Breakfast Club and meet other entrepreneurs, but I can’t get away in the mornings to attend.
Mentor: If you can’t join a Breakfast Club, where else do these entrepreneurs meet?
Student: The Chamber of Commerce has mixers every month. I could go there for free. But I don’t know what to say to the other entrepreneurs to break the ice and start a conversation about my business.
Mentor: Okay, let’s do this.
1. Enroll in a couple of night classes. I would recommend a class on business or sales. You’ll meet prospects there with similar interests. After connecting with them, you could approach them about your business.
2. Go to the Chamber of Commerce mixers. Great idea. What you and I will work on in the next couple weeks are some good “ice breaker” sentences that you can use at the mixer comfortably. That way you’ll have interested entrepreneurs asking you for a presentation rejection-free. Let’s start working on those during our next session.
Mentoring and coaching is not about having the right answers. It is about helping the student move forward within their comfort zone. The best advice in the world will be ignored if it is uncomfortable or embarrassing for the student.
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